A human reading list

Books to help you connect with others - not just during summer

I enjoy reading books written my humans, steeped in personal experience, full of real-life anecdotes. The best ones come with recommendations that I can implement in my own imperfect human life as a working single mom who is creating and maintaining community as if my life depends on it (because it literally does).

So this reading list is not about product ops, AI trends, and only indirectly about leadership. It’s about connection, about talking to real people in real life, about appreciating friction as an opportunity for deeper conversations, about showing up and engaging with people who aren’t afraid to do the same.

And yet, these books have fundamentally influenced how I think about product ops, AI trends, and leadership. You can seperate work from life, but you cannot seperate life from work - or at least I seem not to be able to do it.

Here you go:

Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends, by Dr. Marisa G Franco.

My kids seem to be able to make friends simply by being around other kids. As adults, it feels a lot more difficult to create those connections. Dr. Marisa G. Franco looks at the science behind making friends and keeping them.

The book is filled with data, and practical insights: your platonic friendships are just as (if not more) important than your romantic relationships. Making time to nurture and grow these “other” relationships is the key to creating a fuller and happier life, escaping the loneliness that seems to be so descriptive of our time.

You are not alone - and if you feel alone, there’s a way out. It’s not a dating app though.

How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain, by Lisa Feldman Barrett

Another scientist, this time someone who analyses the brain. And the results are fascinating and counterintuitive. What if you could reframe your own emotions, helping your brain to be a little bit less automatic, a little bit less judgy about your own feelings?

Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett shows that emotion is constructed in the moment, based on a lifetime of learning and interpretation of expected emotions. Suddenly, the wheel of emotions makes a whole lot more sense, and expanding your vocabulary around what you might be feeling, could change those feelings themselves.

The book is fascinating, insightful, and it made me reassess the way I talk about emotions with my kids. It’s not an easy-breezy read, and maybe that’s why it’s so worth it.

Metaphors We Live By, by George Lakoff, Mark Johnson

You could say this book is a classic, and it’s the reason why I hate war metaphors in business settings. The premise of the book is that metaphors are our brain’s way to transfer knowledge from one area of life to another. The metaphors we live by literally shape our perceptions and actions, and most of the time we aren’t even aware of their impact.

The difference between conquering a market and growing market presence is not just relevant for the pictures you’ll use in your power point. It literally influences the strategies you come up to bring your vision to life.

How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community, by Mia Birdsong

This book was transformative for how I structure get-togethers and in-person meetups. It’s the book that tought me to ask my neighbours for some sugar on a Sunday to bake a cake so we would have an excuse to start getting to know each other. They felt happy to be able to help, I had an excuse to ring their bell. And now we water each others plants in summer.

The main premise here is that a “good life” needs more than a nuclear family in a house in the suburbs. You need friends, you need community, and that means you need to accept that belonging and interdependence are two sides of the same coin. The book shares several examples and ways that you can adapt to find (or create) a community to belong to.

Transcending Loss: Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and How to Make It Meaningful, by Ashley Davis Bush

You are going to die. More importantly, someone you love is going to die. Or someone close to you (emotionally or at work) will experience the death of someone close to them. That means you’ll have to grapple with grief: your own or someone elses.

Death doesn’t erase the person who died. It does transform the relationship though, moving from physical presence to memory and stories. And those memories and stories never “end”, just like grief never ends. The immediate mourning period might end, but grief stays and shows up in unexpected ways. And that’s a good thing.

"This is a book about death and grief, yes, but more important, it is a book about love and hope. I have learned from my experience and interviews with courageous people about pain, struggle, resiliency, and meaning. Their stories show over time, you can learn to transcend even in spite of the pain."--from the introduction by Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW

For the immediate reaction to grief, I recommend The Modern Loss Handbook: An Interactive Guide to Moving Through Grief and Building Your Resilience, by Rebecca Soffer, which you can find on the Modern Loss website.

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy, and the accompanying The Polysecure Workbook, both by Jessica Fern

Attachement is not a one-person-only matter. Most children have more than one attachement figure. It’s not just the mom, it’s also the other parent, a close friend to a parent, and a favourite aunt and uncle. All of these relationships shape how we relate to others in our adult life. That’s why attachement styles can differ with different people.

That means you can use attachement theory into the realm of consensual nonmonogamy, as well as platonic relationships. Psychotherapist Jessica Fern uses her nested model of attachment and trauma, explaining how these emotional experiences influence our relationships. Then, and that’s the beautiful part of the book, she shares six specific strategies to help you move toward secure attachments in your multiple relationships (romantic or not).

There’s an accompanying workbook (the polysecure workbook) for journaling and self-discovery that is also well worth the time investment.

The Joy of Connections: 100 Ways to Beat Loneliness and Live a Happier and More Meaningful Life, Ruth Westheimer

As the name suggests, this book includes 100 small chapters with tips on how to connect with neighbours, friends, colleagues, and family. It’s action-oriented, and while not all of the recommendations will work for you, some definitely will. Put one of the tips into practice every day, or maybe every week, and in a few months you’ll have renewed your entire social life in a way that works for you.

Happy summer! And may you have time to read and reflect ;)