Welcome to RemoteThatWorks, a weekly-ish newsletter hand-typed by Valentina Thörner, the Empress of Remote. I talk about product leadership, process design, and people (and their relationships). Proudly non-AI, and proudly all-opinions-my-own.
Every year, I choose a single word to be my North Star for the upcoming 12-ish months. [Here’s the origin story and how-to.] It’s my simplified version of the classical New Year Resolution. Simple enough so I won’t forget, versatile enough to work in most situations, flexible enough to adapt to the reality of life.
It’s also my personal stand against all those naysayers critizising the very real human desire to make time count, to make a difference, to find a purpose. New Year Resolutions are a gift we can give ourselves, surfing the wave of hope and possibility that comes with the change of calendar.
Obviously, it’s an arbitrary date.
You can set intentions at any time thoughout the year. And yet, there’s beauty to setting intentions knowing that many other people are also setting intentions. We are social by design - so it makes sense to take advantage of this group energy.
So - if you want to make a New Year Resolution, or several, you can still jump on the bandwagon. Preferably make it something you enjoy, something that makes you happy, something that brings you closer to those you love. Skip diet plans, productivity guilt trips, and unrealistic morning routines. What or whom do you want to see more of in 2024? What (or whom) can you live without?
Presence - here and now
This year, my guiding word is presence. Presence in the sense of being fully in the moment, and also being fully in the physical space surrounding me.
It’s more than charging my phone in a different room though and changing the colours colours to gray. Rather, I want to actively shape the space I inhabit and create more moments of connection for those I want to keep closer.
The guiding question for the year is: what can I do to connect and be present for my friends and chosen family?
And when evaluating opportunities to spend my time: does this create presence and connection - or am I trying to hide unter a rock (something I am REALLY good at).
In practice, here are some things I’ve already put into motion:
We’ve planned a family-friendly barbecue at a friends house for February.
I am going to visit the Barcelona Opera house (the Liceu) to watch Swan Lake this summer - with friends.
I’ve planned some weekend trips to visit people I’ve not seen enough in the past year(s).
I’ve ordered stamps online so I never ever have a reason NOT to write a postcard when thinking of someone. No post office cueing required for me.
I’ve signed up with one of those crazy muddy obstacle races with friends. Not quite sure why I did THAT - but we’ll have fun.
We’ll do another multi-family campsite retreat in early summer, repeating a great experience from last year.
And in September I’ve already reserved a weekend for another remote women weekend to strengthen the local-ish community on a personal level.
And I’ll probably revive the monthly-ish brunch get-together at my place pretty soon. Catching up with 4-8 people over food is one of my favourite weekend plans.
Longevity and happiness requires friends, not inbox zero or a specific number on the scale
Your inbox (or instagram feed) is probably full of productivity coaches, habit trackers, organizing gurus, get-fit-through-[dance/somatic workout/handstand/yoga/…] programs, or meal planning offers. The underlying story is about you not being good enough and having to change something about yourself so you can finally be worthy of love, attention, success, or, well, inbox zero.
And whether you believe it or not, you are worthy. So invest your time and your resources in the people who lift you up, who make you shine, who support you, who celebrate with you.
Sometimes that means finally getting a good therapist to understand how you related to people (check cognitive behavioral therapy, or specialists in attachement styles).
Sometimes it means exploring new places where interesting people hang out.
Sometimes it means starting to talk to your next-door neighbour.
And sometimes it just means proposing activities that you can enjoy with those connection you already have. You’d be surprised how many people are simply waiting for someone else to make the first step. And friendship grows with exposure to each other - so the more activities you do together, the more you grow together.
[Obviously, if you are an introvert like myself, don’t forget to also schedule those people-free evenings / nights that serve exclusively to be present with yourself.]
Happy 2024!
PS: These are past words:
2023: ambition
2022: rhythm
2021: prosperity
2020: balance
2019: intention
2018: conscience
Want me to be more present in your life? The only way to work with me 1-1 is currently via MentorCruise. Or reply to this email - I’ll definitely read your reply and while I can’t promise a personal reply, your question or comment it might spark another newsletter :)