Relationship Review (work edition included)

Or how to figure out the reality behind all those labels

I’ve been at war with relationship labels for a long long time. What does it mean for someone to be your girlfriend or boyfriend? Why is everyone else “just” a friend - even though they may have known you for 20+ years? How many best friends can you have? And for what? And where does your work bestie fall on that scale? And your work wife?

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The public voting process for SXSW London is still open.

RoRemote 💚

and myself submitted this fireside chat proposal: Professional Polyamory: what business executives can learn from the poly network relationship models. Find out more and VOTE HERE.

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So instead of relying on labels and the corresponding chaos of assumptions - here’s an exercise on how to get real about who’s important in your life.

As we are going into end-of-year reviews, I’ll start with the personal version. Scroll down if you want to keep it professional only.

Dall•e/ChatGPT consistently ignores my plea for ball gowns WITHOUT CLEAVAGE. Nothing problematic at all about AI, right.

Relationship review - holistic edition

Relationships change - whether you like it or not. You aren’t the same person today that you were last year, 5 years ago, 10 years ago. The same happens to your relationships. So today we are going to focus on what is (and a little bit on what you’d like).

For each question, your task is to write own the three names that first come to mind. The names will likely be different each time, though some will repeat. If you are a parent, exclude your kids.

• Name the three people you’ve spent most time with in the past 3 months (in-person, synchronous conversations via phone calls etc).

• Name the three people you’ve invested most resources (time and/or money) in to see them / do things together (dinners, trips, events, wine and cheese evenings at your place).

• Name the three people you enjoy surprising the most.

• Name the three people that recharge your touch deposit the most (yes, hugs and physical affection ARE important for your mental health - also between friends).

• Name the three people that know your current self best.

• Name the three people you’d call to bury a dead body, no questions asked.

• Name the three people you’d expect to bail you out of jail.

• Name three people you want to see more of in the coming year.

Some names will appear in several answers. Some will appear in only one or two. And if you do this exercise regularly, you’ll discover how relations shift, transform and change in intensity.

This is not a value exercise, but an awareness exercise. For next year you can change those dynamics. You can actively decide to prioritize people you want to see in more categories. You may realize that you’ve neglected someone you thought was near and dear to your heart.

The thing is: you have more power over shaping your relationships than you might think. And while love and friendship may be boundless - your free time is not. So choose well whom you spend your time with.

Relationship review - career edition

The career edition of these questions isn’t focussed on your current position or the company you work at. It’s a lot broader than that - and if ALL of your answers work for the same employer, you may want to consider broadenging your network.

• Name the three people you’ve discussed work-related topics with the most in the past 3-6 months.

• Name the three people you’ve invested most time in to help them level up.

• Name the three people who’ve invested most time in you to help you grow, connect you with others, and build you up.

• Name three people with whom collaboration feels easy.

• Name the three people to discuss professional challenges with.

• Name three people you want to be proud of you for your accomplishments.

• Name three people you’d want to take with you for your next job opportunity / project.

• Name three people you know would want to take you with them.

Again, there will be more than three names alltogether. Think about what makes the collaboration easy, the conversations fruitful, the shared discussions worthwhile. Are there any skills in there you can apply to the rest of your work life and your career planning?

Bonus reflection for those who’ve answered both sets of questions: do you have any names that show up in both lists? If not, why not? What is keeping you from showing up as your whole self? If yes, what turns a colleague into a friend?

Time to take out that journal you bought in January and start reflecting ;)