Remote work needs local play
Your human brain needs other humans (not necessarily coworkers)
Humans are social animals. We need regular contact to other people to feel alive, to survive even. Those “other people” don’t need to be your colleagues though.
You can create deep friendships with work colleagues, independent of location. It should not be the foundation of your entire social life though. Changing jobs (for whatever reason) is hard enough without loosing effortless access to your friends.
You need friends and a support system outside of work, whether you go to an office or not. And you definitely need it if you are working remotely.
Remote work can only be successful if combined with local connections.
Connection for introverts
As an introvert, I need a certain amount of me-time. I can be outgoing and social, and then I need to recharge in solitude, on my own. If left to my own devices, I wouldn’t see (or hug or toast to) anyone in the same physical realm. And it doesn’t feel like a problem - at least not initially.
And yet, I am still human. My brain could do with a bit more human contact (and my therapist agrees), so I’ve given myself two guidelines. These guidelines are meant to keep the balance between feeling connected while honouring my need to not spent time with people ALL THE TIME - while also decoupling mental health from the office situation (or lack thereof).
You shall not go for more than three days without having a meaningful conversation with another human being in the same physical space.
You shall actively engage with your important people in-between those encounters.
The three day rule effectively means that I meet friends at least twice a week. Usually one after-work get-together and one (or two) weekend activities. It’s not always with the same people, but it’s always with people from the same group.
Actively engaging with important people means that I do something regularly that signals to these people “hey, we may not have talked in a while, but I have spent time thinking of you”. In my case those are often postcards or book recommendations or long-winded DMs (being an introvert), but phone calls probably work as well.
Friendship takes presence, time, and something to talk about (not in that order)
And very often, for friendship to blossom, it simply requires one person to make a proposal and the other person to show up.
It’s “easy” to make friends in an office, because the “time” and the “presence” is a given - and worst case, you can talk about work. Add some fun activities, some late night conversations after the Christmas party and you may certainly feel like friends. The litmus test comes when one of the two leaves the company, reducing the input of “time” and “presence” and weakening the topics.
Interestingly enough, some of my closest friends are colleagues or ex-colleagues from remote work places! We realized we had shared values or interests and actively created opportunities for presence and spending time together.
Experienced remote companies support this development through meetups and in-person get togethers. Having friends at work increase loyalty and productivity, so it’s also in the company’s interest to foster these relationships.
Either way - you should not rely on your employer to create your friendship group! By all means, be friends with colleagues. Also make sure that there are more people than just your colleagues.
Let me know if you’d like to know how to make that happen - because obviously I have created my own processes around it.
Collaboration requires showing up
It turns out that the skills you need for collaboration are the very same skills you can use to create your internal and external support group. It requires for someone to propose a conversation / a project / a next step / something. And it requires for someone else to “yes and” the proposal.
At work you might propose using a Kanban board to keep track of collaboration with someone. They might then add a good way to distinguish between specific types of project. This dynamic makes you both owners of the initial idea - a key ingredient for successful collaboration. It’s about proactively solving real problems.
To create friendship you might talk about weekend plans or share a plant photo, or remember old times together (when reaching out to someone you haven’t talked in forever) - ask for advice on something you need input in anyway. Your main goal is to start a conversation and see if it’s engaging enough for both of you to continue it another day.
Because that’s the caveat - not everyone needs to be your friend either. Getting along with people is good enough and gives you the opportunity to choose whom you’d like to get to know better.
Friendship makes you more productive, happier, it carries you through darker times - and it prolongs your life. So it start investing in creating those connections today, independent of your work location.