The productivity of making time for your direct reports

Time spent "together" is a mandatory ingredient for building trust and a working relationship

As I am preparing for next year’s Friendship Formulas Summit (yes, this is a spoiler, stay tuned for more updates later this year), one of my co-conspirators resurfaced the research on time needed to create friendship.

For an acquaintance to move into the “casual friend” category, the researchers estimate an average of 40-60 hours of interaction. To become good friends you need to spend 80+ hours of quality time together.

Arguably, the relationship with your direct reports or your coworkers doesn’t need to be at the level where you’d invite them to your 50th birthday party. And yet, for work to be productive and joyful, the connection to your coworkers needs to be more than just transactional conversations.

How many hours do you spend with the people on your team?

If you work in an office you probably see your coworkers on some or all office days. If you lead a distributed team, you need to make a conscious effort to connect, not just around work. It doesn’t have to be all in video calls, it doesn’t have to be all one-on-one. Even small exchanges add up - you do need both, though: individual interactions and group conversations.

If you are more on the data side of things (I see you), you can do the math yourself on where you stand with your team members.

For example:

30 min of individual conversations every other week
+ 50 min of team week every other week
+ an estimated 60 min of emails and written conversation specific for that person |
+ an aggregate of 70 min of chat conversations in various channels and DM.

That’s 15 min + 25 min + 50 min + 70 min = 160 min = 2.66 hours per week.

This means it will take you 16+ weeks to reach the 40 hour threshold (casual friend connection). It also explains why in-person meetings are so powerful for kickstarting your team relationships.

Wait, though - why should you care about how you get along with your coworkers? It’s your choice obviously. For me, it’s about optimizing for joy.

My work occupies the prime hours of my awake time on work days. I’d want to invest those hours in collaboration with people I enjoy talking to and working with - not just because they are knowledgeable. I like my work better when I like the people.

Being miserable at work and waiting for the weekend - that’s an Instagram meme, not a way to live your life.

Practical ideas to test yourself

Here are some ideas - mix and match at your leisure:

Biannual in-person meetings. If there is any way for you to justify the expense to your HR department, make sure to organize an in-person meetings for your team every 4-6 months. This is the absolute fastest way to create quick team cohesion that carries you through without requiring anyone to move close to an office. There’s magic in spending 4-5 days together working, eating, laughing, sharing.

Regular team meetings. Every two weeks, get the team together to discuss challenges, wins, ideas, side quests. Use this call to make announcements, and also to check in on the general health of the team. If you need a framework for the health check, Erin Casali has your back.

Biweekly one-on-one meetings. If you do not share an office with your direct reports, these should be mandatory. And they don’t hurt if you work in the same office, either. Connect with your team members individually every other week, for at least 30 min, and learn about what’s going on in their lives - and what’s going on in yours. You can only help them untangle challenges if you are aware of more than just their workday.

Forward relevant discoveries. Found an article on roadmap creation that looks interesting? Send it to the product manager on your team who has been experimenting with new roadmap visualizations. Discovered a tool for coworking? Offer to try it out with anyone who’s interested on your team.

Be present (not just) in your team’s channel. I am not a fan of “good morning” and “good bye” messages since those sometimes get misconstrued (and misused) as control mechanisms. I do believe in continuing the conversations that started in the team meetings, sharing photos, or asking for advice on music choices for deep-work sessions.

React (or reply) to messages. When our team members start sharing their own ideas, thoughts, questions, make sure that you engage. (Working) relationships require input from both sides.

You probably already do many of these things by default, and you probably do them to different degrees with different people. So here’s your challenge / thought prompt for the next 10 days:

• Whom should you connect with more in your organization?

• Whom are you unintentionally leaving out that you should pay more attention to?

Work can be an activity that brings you joy. The people around you are a key ingredient for that to happen. So invest the time to make those connections relevant.

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You’ve been reading RemoteThatWorks, a weekly-ish (because whom are we kidding here, life happens) newsletter hand-typed by the Valentina Thörner, the Empress of Remote herself. I talk about product leadership, process design, and people (and their relationships). Proudly non-AI, and proudly all-opinions-my-own. To work with me, you can find me on LinkedIn or book your AMA here. Oh, and subscribe so you don’t miss out on the next post.

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And here’s the post about optimizing for joy in case you missed it: