I do write a year review every year - though it happens in my journal and takes up a lot more space than you’d want to engage with at this time of the year.
So, in no particular order, here are some lessons I lived through in 2023. I’d love to say that I learned those lessons. Looking back, though, lessons are just getting more fine tuned, so I’ll run into iterations again, hopefully being better equipped next time.
On breakups and your sense of self
Leaving a job you once loved feels very much like leaving a marriage that fell apart - even if you are aware of how miserable you felt towards the end. That’s because the new situation requires you to fundamentally shift your understanding of yourself. And that’s something we rarely seek out voluntarily.
The good part? Every failed relationship helps you refine what’s important for you. That applies to how you relate to people just as much as to how you engage in activities. Having been able to co-create my current position in a way that supports both the company and myself has been one of the highlights this year.
On space, sunlight and creating roots
Don’t ever underestimate having A Room of One’s Own (quoting Virginia Woolf here) that you love. For me that means sunlight, plants, a view, and enough space to encourage friends to stay over after a long dinner.
After my nesting partner moved countries in summer, I consciously decided to not find a smaller place, but instead to realign the flat with my current priorities. A desk with a view, a guest room, loads of plants, and the realization that I don’t need to run after happiness - I can invite it in.
On friendship and relationships
Invest in friendships that bring you joy and surprising conversations. The people you surround yourself with multiply your strenght - or your weaknesses. They can support your growth - or help you stagnate as you compete in the olympics of misery.
And not everyone needs to be everything. I have someone to go to the theater with, and someone to go hiking. There’s someone who enjoys fancy food just as much as I do, and another person who doesn’t shy away from hours of meandering conversations over dinner and wine. These things don’t just happen, you have to plan for them.
On community and bringing people together
We are all longing for deeper connections with real people. All it takes is to bring people together who have something in common (e.g. women who work remotely, friends who love cheese, non-standard families), giving them the space to talk and share.
Community doesn’t “just” happen, it requires someone to step up and make it happen. And there’s nothing stopping you from being the spark that creates something that you need yourself. It’s not selfish, it’s sustainable.
Money miscellaneous: get a f*ck-you fund and wrap your own presents
Find out what you need to feel safe, and give yourself joy. Both are equally important for this life to feel worthwhile.
I pretty much took the summer off this year. I needed space and time to mourn, to reset, to incorporate some learnings before pouring my energy into a new challenge. It worked, because of my f*ck you fund - a savings account I set up over 15 years ago with the single purpose to allow me to walk out of ANY situation without having to worry about what to do next. I am very grateful to past-Val for heading her mom’s advice on that.
And finally - I wrapped my own presents this year and put them under the Christmas tree. My joy was genuine and heart-felt. And that one item that I bought six weeks ago and don’t quite like now that it has been gifted to me - well, I can just sent it back without anyone feeling judged ;)
And that’s a wrap! I’ll be back with my one-word for 2024 in January. Pinkie promise.
Liked what you read? Here are some additional things I wrote and said in 2023:
And a full playlist of past podcasts - in case you are a more auditive person than I am.