Welcome to RemoteThatWorks, a weekly newsletter hand-typed by the Valentina Thörner, the Empress of Remote herself. Proudly non-AI, and proudly all-opinions-my-own. To work with me, find me on MentorCruise.
Today’s post has been adapted from an internal post I wrote for a client - so if you work with me you may recognize some parts of it.
It's (still) February. It's the month where people look back at their new year resolutions. Many feel either smug, or deflated.
The smug ones didn’t make any resolutions. They told you that Jan 1 is just another day and that they don’t bother with societal pressure.
The deflated ones had a laundry list of resolutions. That list now lies abandoned in the corner of shame, crushed by too much change all at once.
There’s a third group though. Soem people did commit to something and followed through. They set realistic goals, made a plan, and most importantly, focussed on one area in their lives.
[Or, alternatively, they decided on a word of the year - again focussing the energy.]
There’s only so much change your brain can handle
By default, our brains prefer that things do not change. From an evolutionary perspective change is usually not a good thing, especially if it comes by surprise.
That’s not super helpful given that we live in a reality where everything seems to change all the time. If you can’t opt-out - how can you tweak your own perspective and reassure your brain that it’s OK to engage with the unknown?
First, try to limit the scope of change. Don’t change jobs and move house and get a divorce and start a new hobby and reorganize your wardrobe all at the same time. Whenever possible, tackle change step-by-step.
And even if everything changes at the same time, you can still find anchors that remind your body and your mind that you are OK. For me, those anchors are my diary and the Japanese green tea in my cup. For you it may be a morning walk, a specific scented candle, or doodling with your favourite pen.
Change is an active verb: it requires commitment and participation
There's change that happens to you, something that you did not plan for, and it happened nonetheless.
An accident, the death of a loved one, changing work expectations after an internal reorg. Those are changes that you weather as best you can, sometimes on your own, often with help of external resources or people who help you carify your thoughts. Even when you didn't ask for that change - if you can be actively involved in the aftermath, you can get back a modicum of control for your brain to latch on to.
And there’s change that you see coming, or change that you triggered yourself.
Moving into the new home you had been searching for forever, hiring a personal trainer to instill that workout habit, getting up to speed in a new role. Those are the changes you can prepare for, actively searching for resources and people to support you ahead of time. Announced changes can be planned for - and the more active you are, the less scary they are.
[A personal detour or making change management make sense]
Two winters ago my dad was diagnosed with brain cancer and a six month life expectancy. I spent those six months traveling between Spain and Germany, supporting my mom, and playing endless hours of Rummikub. After the tumor destroyed my dad’s speech center, it was our main bonding activity.
I read books about cancer, and about grief. I processed using the Modern Loss Handbook, and I started talking about death. To my surprise, sharing the experience with other people opened up new connections and conversations that helped me to see the world in a new light.
Death is such a tabu topic, and yet it’s something that we all have to reckon with at some point or another. Sharing the change you are going through can be revealing.
Change does not happen in a vacuum
Independent of whether you are in the middle of a chosen journey or grappling with change thrown at you: you can influence how you live through the change. You can choose trepidation, or curiosity.
And you can definitely influence whom you share your experience with. Find those people in your network who brim with excitement at life, those who are masters in reframing and motivating.
And most importantly: change is less scary if you know what’s happening. Educate yourself about what’s going on, how others have lived through similar situations, what options you have. Change you understand is only half as threatening.
Finally, remember that anchor until the new situation has become your new normal.
Notes for managers
If your organization is going through a change process, make sure to provide your team members with an anchor. A weekly 1:1 to talk through the current situation, and proactively sharing new information as they get revealed is the bare minimum you can do to reduce the stress level of those around you.
Want more insights into how to create a flourishing remote (product) org? Get in touch on LinkedIn, or find me on MentorCruise.
Or reply to this email - I’ll definitely read your reply and it might spark another newsletter :)